Articles and Advice

The Importance Of Closure [Moving On After The Death Of A Loved One]

You’ll hear a lot of advice telling you how to “move on” after the death of a loved one. And while it’s important not to let tragedy hold a grip on your well-being, this type of advice is not productive.

Everyone experiences the healing process differently. Instead of trying to stick to a schedule of when it’s “okay” to move on, try these tips on how to move on and how to get closure after your loved one passes on.

Experience the 5 Stages of Grief

Grief always accompanies loss. It’s a reflection of what one loves: the more you love something, the more grief you will experience. 

To navigate your feelings of grief, you need to know its five stages. There is no set amount of time you will be in each stage or even an exact order—you may not even experience every stage. Regardless, understanding the purpose of each stage can help you assess how far you are on your journey towards recovery.

Denial

Grief is such an overwhelming emotion it can be hard to even process. This is where denial comes in. The denial stage allows people more time to absorb the facts of a loss. People in the denial stage will often:

• Avoid the topic in conversation
• Hide their true emotions or feel emotionally numb
• Reassure themselves that the dearly departed could come back

Anger

Anger is a strong emotional response that can hide one’s true emotions. It’s often a result of not thinking rationally, which is normal when you’re overwhelmed by other emotions. People in the anger stage may:

• Lash out at family, friends, or even objects
• Feel agitated
• Experience anger towards the person who passed
• Feel isolated

Bargaining

The bargaining stage usually sees people looking for the meaning behind the death of their loved one. This stage is often the last distraction before sadness and depression. Bargaining can look like:

• Thinking of “what if” scenarios about the deceased
• Reaching out to talk to others about the possible meaning behind the death
• Trying to make promises and deals with God or a deity (mostly for those with religious affiliation)

Depression

Once the anger and bargaining stages have run their course, no other emotion is there to distract from sadness. While this can seem like an unhelpful emotion, depression can help people healthily acknowledge their feelings and move onto the next and final stage. 

People in this stage may:

• Feel foggy or confused
• Isolate themselves from others
• Become hostile towards others who try to help

If you feel like you’re stuck in this stage for too long, it’s okay to talk to a mental health professional. They will help you process your emotions and move on to the final stage of grief.

Acceptance

Acceptance does not mean you’ve forgotten the pain of losing your loved one, nor does it mean you will never grieve about the experience again. Rather, acceptance means you are coming to terms with your loss and understanding what it means for your life moving forward.

Take Your Time to Adjust to the Loss

Finding closure after the death of a loved one takes time. Just because other people may have gotten over a death faster or slower than you doesn’t mean your healing process is delayed or going too fast.

Don’t Let Anyone Tell You How to Feel

Some people may tell you to stop dwelling on the past or to simply stop grieving. Though they may think they’re trying to help, these people are only uncomfortable with how your emotions make them feel.

It’s not your job to make others feel comfortable about your emotions. Take as much time as you need to collect your thoughts and process your feelings.

Take Care of Yourself

While you adjust, remember to take care of yourself. It can be easy to neglect your physical and mental health when you’re filled with so many emotions. Make sure to:

• Get plenty of sleep (seven to nine hours).
• Eat nutritious meals.
• Find time to relax.
• Remain physically active.

Invest in Healthy Relationships

It’s tempting to distance yourself from relationships while you grieve, especially when you feel angry or depressed. But maintaining your relationships, especially with those you trust, can help you through the healing process.

Turn to people you trust and who you know care about your well-being. These friends are your support system when you need them and can help distract you from any negative thoughts or sad feelings.

After some time, you will feel ready to start making new friends, helping you progress towards a future with your loved one still in your memory.

Wait Before Making Bigger Decisions

When you’re grieving, you are under a lot of emotional stress, which is not a good condition when making important life decisions. If possible, avoid making all major decisions until you feel emotionally stable enough to make them, such as the following.

Moving 

Some people think moving will give them a fresh start in life and help them heal. However, moving under normal conditions adds a lot of excess mental, emotional, and financial stress in people’s lives. These stressors combined with your grief are not advisable under any circumstances.

Throwing Out Personal Items of the Deceased 

Discarding items that spark cherished but now-painful memories may seem like an easy way to move on after the death of your loved one: you’re getting rid of any item that might trigger feelings of anguish or sadness. But this is a short-sighted and rash approach—once those items are gone, they are likely gone for good.

If you don’t want to endure the emotions you associate with certain items, store them in a box and put it out of your sight. Then, months later, you can come back to determine which of the items are worth keeping.

Changing Jobs

It can feel impossible to find the passion you had for your work after a traumatic event. This inspires some to change their jobs or professions. But this is a product of high emotions and irrational thinking.

Instead of jumping ship from your job, take a few months to think it through. You can even talk it over with your employer—they might be able to give you new or easier assignments to help you through the healing process.

Make Progress Towards Closure

Hopefully, these tips can guide you through healthy coping mechanisms as you traverse this time of grief. During your journey, you can even better understand the importance of closure: being able to live a normal life while still honoring the memory of your dearly departed.

If you need to plan or organize the cremation of your loved one, All California Cremation is happy to answer any of your questions. We know the tender feelings you may experience during times of sorrow—we’ll be sensitive to those feelings and respect any wish you or the deceased may have.